I’m doing something a bit different with the newsletter this week – I’m excited to share the prologue to a novel I’ve been working on over the summer! It’s a comedy whodunnit called The Last One You’d Expect and over the next year or so, I’ve decided to serialise it in this newsletter for paid subscribers!

But I’m now planning on launching a separate Substack project which will be adjacent to the main newsletter and available to people who upgrade to a paid subscription. In exchange for that, there will be two additional newsletters per month – the first will be the latest chapter of The Last One You’d Expect, and the second will be a sort of journal entry about the writing of that chapter – notes on how it came together, what I’m trying to do with it, what I particularly enjoyed about it, what might still need work in it, and so on.

I hope that, particularly because it’s a whodunnit, this way of serialising and documenting the novel will be genuinely fun and interesting for readers, and might even offer the opportunity to share and discuss theories about who did it, why, how, who you’re suspicious of, and so on. Eventually I hope that this novel will become something really solid that I can approach publishers with, and should it ever get published then you’d be in the position of having been among its first ever readers who got to see it unfold in real-time and join in the discussions about how it’s developing, and I hope that might be an appealing prospect for any other writers out there, or even for people who just love a good murder mystery.

So if you’re already interested and thinking “Hell yeah, I wanna be a part of that,” then feel free to upgrade your subscription and join the club! And if you’d like to know a bit more about it before committing, then let me tell you a bit more about it:

What Is The Last One You’d Expect?

Long-time readers will have heard of this project before, and some of you might even have seen some extracts from it being read out at previous Eggbox shows, or at the Edinburgh Fringe this summer. It began life as a TV script but after being pitched to a couple of channels and not getting across the line, I began to wonder whether it was better suited to being a feature film rather than an episodic TV series. Murder mysteries, after all, are self-contained puzzles that often ask us to remember back to a small detail we glossed over earlier on in order to contextualise a big reveal. That’s a big ask of an audience when you might be asking them to remember back to something they saw several weeks ago.

When I started writing it as a feature screenplay it felt like a much more natural fit and it was the most I’ve ever enjoyed writing a script. And while developing it into one self-contained story as opposed to trying to break the story up into multiple episodes it occurred to me – hold on. This can also be a book.

Did you know, for instance, that the adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot AND Father Brown all started out as books? It’s true! And today, reading about genius men who solve the brutal murders of young women has literally never been more popular. Why should Richard Osman and Philippa Perry get all the glory, I asked myself.

The idea is that both versions of the project can develop simultaneously and maybe even help each other out a little – if it becomes a book that publishers are interested in, then perhaps that helps stoke interest in the film version. If it becomes a film that production companies are interested in, then perhaps that helps stoke interest in the book version. It’s just nice working on one big story and having multiple different avenues to pursue with it, and I’m really enjoying building the world of it.

I’m writing it to explore two basic ideas:

1. Why do characters in whodunnits so rarely acknowledge that they’re in a whodunnit? It’s a genre that is so baked into culture that we all recognise it immediately, and yet if a fictional group of people go to a remote location and one of them is murdered and they all have to work out who did it, it’s very rare that one of them goes “Oh, we’re in a murder mystery.” They just start behaving the way the genre requires them to. I was interested in writing something that explored what happens to people’s personalities and performed identities and interpersonal relationships when their actual real-world grief at the situation clashes against their expectations for how that situation is supposed to unfold. Ultimately I want to use that as a way of exploring the differences between who we think we are and the person other people see, and the extent to which we can ever actually know ourselves.
2. Why is the detective in a whodunnit always brilliant? Even if they’re superficially dorky or sociopathic or eccentric, they’re always uniquely gifted and end up being able to out-think everyone else. But everything we know about The Traitors tells us that the kind of people who are most convinced of their brilliance at social deduction are usually awful people who are completely out of touch with how they’re actually perceived because they’re too caught up with how much cleverer than everyone else they think they’re being. So I really liked the idea of writing a whodunnit where the detective is the kind of person who’s read too many whodunnits and is therefore the worst possible person to be investigating the crime.

The story is set on a couple’s sten do in a big house on a remote island (because of course it’s set in a big house on a remote island, the genre demands it). I thought stag/hen dos are the kind of social setting where everyone is already very preoccupied with who knows each other best, who’s known each other longest, and so on. It seemed like a good setting to explode a social dynamic with a murder and see what that does to everyone.

So that’s the backstory to why I wrote it. This week I’m just going to post the prologue materials to the novel, and if that’s enough for anyone to subscribe at this point then next week I’ll send the journal entry about those materials and what I’m trying to achieve with them to paid subscribers. Next month I’ll send Chapter 1 to all subscribers, and after that point the entire novel will then be serialised for paid subscribers over the next 18 months or so. I hope it’ll become a fun project to follow along with, and I hope you all enjoy these small glimpses of what’s to come!

THE LAST ONE YOU’D EXPECT

By Joz Norris

Dear Karl,

You are cordially invited to Izzie & Frank’s Sten Do!

We know, we know, “Sten Do” is one of those dreadful portmanteaus that Instagram and TikTok are trying to ram down our throats so that they can gradually convert all possible permutations of human joy into a memeable trend, but Izzie and I thought hey, we’ve got more or less all the same friends anyway and, y’know, who still keeps their boy pals and gal pals separate in a post-gender binary age?

So yes, you are ALL invited to celebrate with us. Obviously Izzie and I aren’t allowed to know exactly what’s happening, so enclosed in your invite are some further instructions from the wonderful Kate! We can’t wait to celebrate with you all – in just over a month we’re both going to be the happiest two people in the world, and there’s nothing we’d like better than to make some of the happiest memories with our favourite people before we tie the knot!

Wishing you all the love in the world,

Frank & Izzie xx

Hello gals and guys!

So, I’m Kate and I’m going to be your Maid of Honour for the weekend to end all weekends! (Hashtag Wedding of the Century!) Seriously, Izzie and I have known each other since we were eight (ask to see our friendship bracelets!) and it is probably more important to me that she has the best hen do in the world EVER than it is for me to even meet The One myself, sad as that might sound! (But hey, single fellas coming for the weekend, I’m not hard to get so all you have to do is ask lol! (Just kidding!))

Anyway, you all know Izzie, but nobody knows her like I do and she’s our gal and we’re going to give her the hen do she’s always dreamed of (even if there are going to be more nasty boys there than we thought there would be when we were planning it in the 90s! (Just kidding, boys, we love you – can’t reiterate enough, not hard to get!)) Oh, and let’s make sure Frank has a nice time too, obvs!

So, I’ll be adding you all to a WhatsApp group where we can go through logistics, but in a nutshell:

I have booked a truly gorgeous Air BnB called Pilspike House, on a teeny tiny little island just off the coast of Devon, called Pilspike Island (imaginative!) It is ONLY accessible by ferry, and the ferries ONLY run once a day Monday to Saturday, so it is VITAL you all get to Ilfracombe bright and early on Friday morning – any stragglers are gonna have to come on Saturday, so be there or be square!

The island is really beautiful, with lots of scenic walks and beautiful coastal views, and the house is truly to die for – there’s a hot tub, a pool table, a massive TV that’s bigger than me, a games room, a tennis court, the list quite literally goes on – there’s also a football table, for instance.

I’m going to be organising a weekend full of special activities and ordering in all the food and drink we’ll need – stand by on the WhatsApp for details! Some of you are helping out with specific little surprises – you know who you are! And for those I don’t know as well, if anyone has any questions or wants to contribute anything, just let me know. Everything has to be perfect!

Finally, obviously this place is quite expensive, as are the ferries, as will be the food order, not to mention booze. I know that some of you might be a bit stressed about this weekend because of the old costie-livvs, so if that’s you, PLEASE make yourself known, there is no shame here. We will work out a payment plan or a way for you to pay me back in instalments or whatever it takes.

Dying to see you all!

Kate (Maid of Honour)

PS I think Frank’s best man wanted to enclose some instructions as well (I’ve made it so clear that he doesn’t need to do this because I am on it!) but you might have that in this same envelope!

Hello,

Anthony here. Best Man. Will be organising a lot of really funny stuff for this. Probably going to be the best bits of the weekend, to be honest. Stand by for hilarity.

Anthony

Hi Karl,

Sorry, I had no idea so many different people were going to be inserting their own fucking envelopes into this thing. I hope you don’t mind my adding one more of my own before I seal this and send it off.

Sorry also for crossing out “cordially” on your invite – thought you’d find it funny. Do you still find being mean funny?

Look, it’s probably a bit weird that I’m inviting you to this. I’m sure you’re a bit surprised to hear from me after all these years. I’m a bit surprised I’m inviting you myself, if that’s not too rude of me to say.

I absolutely do not want to have any awkward conversations or blow-ups in front of everyone. This is our sten do, and I just want everyone to have a nice time. But after the thought of inviting you occurred to me, I couldn’t get it out of my head and, hand on heart, I wouldn’t feel good going ahead with this now without extending the olive branch.

I said some pretty horrible things to you when we broke up, and I regret them, even if you were a total arsehole for pretty much the entire time we were together. But we also had a lot of fun, and I remember a lot of good times in amongst the moments that still make me want to curl up and die of embarrassment (both your doing and mine! I think we just weren’t the most compatible couple in the world, were we?)

Kate told me that she bumped into you a few weeks back, and said it was good to see you. She said she asked after some of your old gang and that you said you hadn’t seen them in ages – that made me sad. You always seemed to get on really well with that lot. But you told her you’d been getting out and about more recently, and had joined a board game club or something – that sounds fun! You always loved your board games.

Oh I don’t know, Karl, I just found it very sweet and it brought back some of the happier memories that have…let’s just say they’re the ones that have found it harder to spring to mind over the last seven years, compared to the more, shall we say, explosive ones.

So, yes. Maybe I’m crazy but Kate is organising this big weekend for us and I thought I might invite you. If you’re free and would like to come, it would be cool to catch up and hear what you’ve been up to. Obviously PLEASE PLEASE don’t be a total prick.

I hope you’re well,

Izzie

Hi Karl,

Wow, two letters from me in one week, crazy huh?

Look, I feel really weird about that invite I sent you. Maybe it was just a dumb idea. Without wishing to put words in your mouth, probably the best thing you could do would be to turn that invitation down and maybe instead we can meet for coffee sometime to catch up in less intense circumstances. I really do hope you’re well, please forgive me my moment of madness.

Best,

Izzie

Izzie,

What an HONOUR. I only met Frank once but he seemed a GENTLEMAN and he is the LUCKIEST MAN ON THE PLANET.

Of COURSE I will be there.

I have RSVP’d to Kate and paid her in full for what I owe. I’ve also been talking to her about bringing a very special surprise contribution of my own – I think it might end up being one of the MAJOR highlights of the weekend!

I don’t presume that this invitation means you welcoming me back into your life and your friendship circle with open arms, but mark my words I will be making the BEST of impressions. You needn’t think that inviting me was crazy or weird – you’re probably going to end up thinking it’s the best thing you ever did! (Other than marrying the lucky Frank, obviously.)

Your delighted, honoured old friend (and let’s not forget, ex-lover – sorry, couldn’t resist!),

Karl Goggins

Three bodies were recovered from Pilspike Island by the authorities and returned to the mainland yesterday after their presence on the island was reported by local ferry driver Linda Richards.

Details of the victims’ identities and cause of death has not been made public, but alleged reports claim that at least two were found violently stabbed to death.

They were believed to be staying in Pilspike House, which is frequently let out on Air BnB as a popular holiday destination during the summer, for the weekend. The other guests on the island have requested that their identities be kept private while the details of the case are still emerging. One has insisted, however, that the only reason the deaths were not reported sooner was due to “communication issues.”

A Quick Plug – Nothing new to plug here, but coming up we’ve got a new Eggbox show on November the 10th with amazing short films and live readings of new scripts, and then a Christmas run of Joz Norris IS Hugh Jackman IS The Phantom Of The Opera from December 17th-19th. Both at the Pleasance, both gonna be really good.

A Cool New Thing In Comedy – I had a really great time at the launch for Shedinburgh’s London residency at the Young Vic a couple of weeks ago, and a load of amazing shows are continuing to play there until the 10th of October, including shows from Rosie Jones, Joe Kent-Walters, Kemah Bob, Rob Auton, Stuart Laws and many more! Check out the lineup and get along to a show.

What’s Made Me Laugh The Most – So many bits from the third series of Colin From Accounts, which I’ve gradually been making my way through. Probably Brett’s T-shirt, or Gordon on the beach. Who else is watching it? It’s so good, you should all watch it.

Book Of The Week – Cards On The Table by Agatha Christie, for obvious reasons. I’ve only just started it, but she wrote this one to set a more psychological puzzle for the reader. Every suspect is a murderer, so figuring out who did it is less a case of “Which one of these people could secretly be a murderer?” and more a case of “Which one of these murderers committed this specific murder?” I’m looking forward to it!

Album Of The Week – I Wrote You A Letter by M83. I’ve always got time for M83, a musical project which accidentally became hugely successful with Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming in 2011 and has spent 15 years since then oscillating wildly between trying to follow up with more of what the people want and just doing their own thing. This new one is a “doing their own thing” album – more gentle ambient than synthpop bangers, and it’s nice if you like that kind of thing.

Film Of The Week – Sense And Sensibility (the new one). Confession time – I think I’ve never seen a proper period drama because when I was a kid I thought they looked boring. I’ve never seen an Austen adaptation, not even the Emma Thompson ones. I will go back and correct my mistake, because this was great. It’s so funny! I’m gonna go and get into Austen, I’ll let you all know how I get on. Also Fiona Shaw should get an Oscar for her performance in this, she’s incredible.

That’s all for this week! As ever, if you felt like sending this newsletter to a friend or encouraging others to subscribe I’d hugely appreciate it. Take care of yourselves until next time,

Joz xx

PS If you’re not in the position to upgrade to a paid subscription but do want to send a one-off donation to support my work and my writing, feel free to send me a tip on Ko-Fi!

PPS Made a very fun little short film about alien hunters with the amazing Tom Bell this week. Watch this space for more on it:

Click here to go back