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Joz Norris


The Telegraph’s Best Jokes of the Fringe 2022

 By Telegraph Culture Desk in The Telegraph Posted on Monday, August 22nd, 2022
  • The Telegraph’s Best Jokes of the Fringe 2022

Hundreds of stand-up comedians descend on Edinburgh every August to spread laughter at the world’s largest arts festival. And as we enter the final week, the winner of the Funniest Joke of the Fringe award has been announced.

Here’s the winner, and the Top 10:

1. Masai Graham: I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta.
Dropkick Murphys, Aug 4-28; tickets

2. Mark Simmons: Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next-day delivery.
PBH’s Free Fringe, Aug 18-27; tickets

3. Olaf Falafel: My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock.
Laughing Horse at the Pear Tree, Aug 4-28; tickets

4. Hannah Fairweather: By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I – but it is the same house and it is the same family.
Just the Tonic at the Caves, Aug 18-28; tickets

5. Will Mars: I hate funerals – I’m not a mourning person.
Gilded Balloon Patter Hoose, Aug 18-28; tickets

6. Olaf Falafel: I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back.

7. Richard Pulsford: I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx.
TheSpace at Surgeons Hall, Aug 15-27; tickets

8. Tim Vine: I used to live hand-to-mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery.
Pleasance Courtyard, Aug 23-28; tickets

9. Sophie Duker: Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate.
Pleasance Courtyard, Aug 22-28; tickets

10. Will Duggan: I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days.
Pleasance Courtyard, Aug 18-28; tickets

Masai Graham has won Dave's Funniest Joke Award for the second time
Masai Graham has won Dave’s Funniest Joke Award for the second time CREDIT: PA

Meanwhile, The Telegraph asked a number of up-and-coming comics for the best one-liners from their 2022 shows – and here’s the pick of the bunch.

Michael Akadiri: Being a doctor in comedy has got me some fans. I had a guy book tickets to see me because it was the quickest way to get a doctor’s appointment.
Pleasance Courtyard, Aug 3-28; tickets

Patrick Spicer: Fear lives in my head 24-7, rent-free. And I live in fear. So that means I am sub-letting my own head.
Gilded Balloon Patter Hoose, Aug 3-28; tickets

Lily Phillips: Acting isn’t a real job. If it was a real job, they wouldn’t let kids do it. The world isn’t full of 8-year-old plumbers because “they showed potential”.
Pleasance Courtyard, Aug 3-28; tickets

Eli Matthewson: My boyfriend lives in a different city to me so we have been doing what we call “long distance”, although I prefer the French expression, which is “very slowly breaking up”.
Underbelly George Square, Aug 3-28; tickets

comedian Chelsea Birkby best jokes funny one liners 2022 edinburgh festival fringe summer 2022 august scotland
‘I don’t like to say where I live any more…’: comedian Chelsea Birkby

Alasdair Beckett-King: They call them train guards, and yet they do nothing you when you shout: “GUARDS, SEIZE HIM!”
Pleasance Dome, Aug 3-29; tickets

Chelsea Birkby: I don’t like to say where I live anymore, ’cause I live in the moment. Also Milton Keynes.
Just the Tonic at the Caves, Aug 4-28; tickets

Garrett Millerick: I used to think I hated Facebook. I realised I don’t, I hate people. When it comes to Marmite, nobody hates the jar.
Monkey Barrel Comedy, Aug 2-28; tickets

Rob Auton: Once on the London Underground I saw Fiona Bruce reading a newspaper and I thought: “That must sound great in her head.”
Assembly George Square, Aug 3-29; tickets

Ignacio Lopez: Dogging is the most British thing ever; only the UK could take a look at an orgy and think: “How can we make this more like a car boot sale?”
Gilded Balloon Patter Hoose, Aug 3-28; tickets

Rajiv Karia: I’m gutted. Just found out my wife’s been playing tennis with her sex instructor.
Pleasance Courtyard, Aug 3-28; tickets

Rajiv Karia best jokes funny one liners 2022 edinburgh festival fringe summer 2022 august scotland
‘My wife’s been playing tennis with her sex instructor’: comedian Rajiv Karia CREDIT: Matt Stronge

Olga Koch: The only reason I date exclusively men who wear glasses is that high school movies gave me the false hope that once they take off their glasses, they’ll become beautiful women.
Monkey Barrel Comedy, Aug 3-28; tickets

Glenn Moore: If you stand in front of your mirror at night and loudly say “Ted Bundy” five times, your mum comes in and asks you what you’re doing.
Pleasance Courtyard, Aug 3-28; tickets

Sasha Ellen: If it doesn’t work, it’s not first aid – it’s last aid.
Underbelly Bristo Square, Aug 3-29; tickets

Luke Rollason: All of us are in the gutter, some of us are looking at the stars, some of us are wondering, “Why did we build such a big gutter?”
Monkey Barrel Comedy, Aug 3-28; tickets

Red Richardson: I was watching a programme about sharks the other night and the guy hosting it said: “Sharks are more scared of us than we are of them.” Really? I doubt sharks stay up all night watching documentaries about me.
Pleasance Courtyard, Aug 3-28; tickets

Joz Norris: The reason the TV show F.R.I.E.N.D.S. was stylised with dots between the letters is because it’s an acronym for Five Roommates Interacting Engagingly Near David Schwimmer.
Pleasance Courtyard, Aug 3-29; tickets

Micky Overman: My dad loves classical music and hates cover bands, which always makes me think: aren’t all orchestras just giant cover bands?
Monkey Barrel Comedy, Aug 1-28; tickets

James Barr: Can you imagine a world without gays? Ariana Grande would be a font.

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